A Ride for Jez - May 2024

I miss my mate. I miss getting the midweek text to suggest a weekend ride. I miss our early meets. I miss our adventures. I miss riding on his wheel and out of the wind. I miss his A-Z ability to make up rides on the fly and always getting us home at the agreed time. More than anything, I miss his friendship. 

Its been nearly 3 years since his passing and it doesn't get any easier. 

As a way of commemorating Jez, and raise some much needed funds and awareness for Mind UK in May 2024, I made the trip to his grave in Hereford, raise a toast and ride back. A non-stop, unsupported 300 mile round trip. 

A few weeks before leaving, I received a gift in the post at work. Months earlier I had told a client about my plans, how I was going to ride to Jez and come home. I thought nothing more about it, but it clearly resonated with him, as he sent me the most beautiful letter and gift. He too had been impacted by suicide and he wondered if the little hip flask might come in useful when it came to raising a toast for him. The tears appeared when reading that letter - am even welling up remembering it now. Thank you A_M. 

My original plan was to start early on Saturday, cycle the 150 miles to Jez's grave, pop in to say hi to his lovely parents, refuel and make the return journey through the night. I started to think that it may actually be easier to start on Friday evening, and do the nightshift fresh and fuelled, and arrive for breakfast on Saturday morning. I remember being a little put-out as Anne and Mark were away, but planning to come back early especially to see me, and if I could stick to the original plan, they would be really grateful. Of course I agreed, and set off on Saturday at first light. 

The ride itself went well. Stopping for a late breakfast after 50 miles, and lunch at a petrol station. I had a chat with 2 lovely women who were running across the Severn Bridge, part of an ultra that went back and forth over the bridge in 24 hours - it made what I was doing seem sane! I treated myself to an ice cream at Tintern Abbey, and some generous customers donated £5 for Mind as they asked where I was cycling to. (more welling up!). 

Leaving Tintern Abbey, and with just 30 miles left of the first leg, I had the potentially trip derailing moment. A spoke snapped on my back wheel, immediately buckling it, making it virtually un-ridable for another 30 miles let alone another 180. Thankfully I had some phone reception and "did what Willis would do" and immediately called any nearby bike shop. Dean Forest Cycles answered my SOS but I had 40 minutes to cycle the 10 miles to them before they shut for the weekend - the race was on. I got there in time, and they were heroes as they fixed the wheel. Unfortunately they were based at the bottom of a valley, and the only way to get back on track was climbing - and that detour added over 2000 feet of additional hills, but the ride was back on! 

I got to Jez's parents about an hour later than expected so I popped in to see them first, before heading to the grave. The welcome I received blew me away. I wasn't expecting it. Standing in front of Anne and Mark, after an emotional (very sweaty hug) and seeing their joy, it immediately struck me that this trip was not about me. It was about Jez. It had always been about Jez. It was about showing his parents that his friends still love him, still think about him and that he is still important. How selfish was I, thinking only about myself? Anne and Mark being involved was so important for them and me. It was the moment that I will always remember and cherish. 

The little hipflask was perfect. Spending time alone at the grave, drinking a little Whispering Angel was emotional but felt so right. I must have spent about 10 minutes there and it was where I wanted to be, but also where I needed to be. 

Anne and Mark kindly cooked for me, so after a big meal, refilled bottles and recharged devices I set off again for home. The turnaround took no longer than 1 hour and the feeling of appreciation and support made the return journey "easy". 

The last time to fill the bottles was at a garage just outside Cheltenham before they shut at 11pm, so inevitably I was pretty dehydrated and cold as I cycled through the night. 

I was lucky - no mechanicals, no navigation issues, no chance of not completing it - just an aching back and shoulders. I arrived early back home to my family and our friend and legend Claire. 

18 months after the ride, my memory is still so clear. Of course the ride was the physical journey, but it was a way to publicly remember a brilliant bloke, involve his lovely parents and get people talking about mental health. I hope Mind UK will make good use of the £8,155 we were able to raise and I hope that Jez is at peace.  

Ride Stats
309.14 miles. 
20 hrs 25 min ride time

15,840 ft climbing

15.1 mph average

The tribute I gave at his funeral 

A couple of years ago, Jez and I met for a drink in our local pub because at that time he was finding things difficult. My career is in advertising, not counselling, so when he started to confide in me, I knew quickly that I was out of my depth. My unsuitability was even more apparent when I leaned over and gave him a reassuring, if slightly awkward pat of his leg. Whilst externally I was being considerate and sympathetic, my internal dialogue was saying, “goodness me, he has such strong thighs, no wonder he is so good at cycling!”

For cycling has very much been the foundation of our friendship. Jez being the good one who leads, as he has all the talent and navigational skills, and me being the big lump following, just trying my best to keep up.

We met over 10 years ago when Anabelle and my wife Caroline introduced us. “my husband cycles...so does mine... they should meet". Jez looked at me with the same scepticism that i looked at him, as we both thought,.you’re not one of those cycling bores are you?

In fairness, as much as we tried to deny it, we probably were, but we became firm friends. Regularly meeting for an early ride and steadily building up to more substantial, longer, and slower challenges! The highlight was riding the South Downs Way double together  – a 200 mile there and back ride along the south downs way that took us 27 hours. Yep, it really was as awful as it sounds!

Initially the rides were the foundation of our friendship, but it was something I truly valued. I got to see my mate regularly. Together we explored and we talked. I became a brilliant listener – being honest, that was because I was always out of breath just trying to keep up.

He was a great friend. Dependable, Loyal. Considerate. Resilient, Tough.

Through the time we spent together, i know that he was passionate about many things:

• His volunteering with the Scouts – for he had such an adventurous spirit, from camping, paddle boarding, spending time on his new boat - and he loved trying to inspire this sense of adventure to all the young scouts.

• His love of engineering and working at Flour – he told me a lot about it – but truth be known, I probably only understood a fraction of what he told me!

• His new house was a catalyst for his love of DIY.

• His unusual love of sheds (you would have thought that having 2 was more than enough, but no, he needed another).

• I know that his new relationship with Charlie and her family was something that was incredibly important to him.

• Above all else though it was his love of Samuel and Emily. He adored you and was desperate to be the best dad he possibly could be.  

Whilst I will not miss him getting to the top of every hill first, and then suffering the humiliation of seeing him cycle back down towards me to check that I was OK - I will miss my friend enormously.

Someone recently said to me, “they set themselves free the only way they know how”.

For those of us here, we are hurting, for Jez I hope he is at peace.